Manucho - 16/06/11

DISCLAIMER: This is not a film review. At least, not intentionally.

The amazing Holiblog is back (even though I still haven't talked about my homocidal trip to South France). However, we must remain topical and on topic and stuff similar to that. So let's start with the most amazing thing that has ever happened in the last week or so.

I got a car. Damn.

When I was in Aberdeen, my Dad continuously e-mailed and called to remind me to check my mail. I never did. It was just letters saying that I should get a TV license. That's not going to happen, I would rather shove a pine cone through my urethra. Imagine that, eh?

Eventually, I checked the post by accident and found quite a bulky letter, which I opened as I'm a curious little thing. It had my name on it after all (probably). There was a form that said various things about car insurance, so naturally, I assumed that I had been insured for the family car so I can go to TESCO and collect various sweatshop made items. Alas, the forms said that it was insurance for a 1994 Renault Clio. Who had a Renault Clio?

...Oh.

IT WAS ME! (Hopefully, you noticed the intellectual way I spaced out those sentences to show my actual excitement. I have a GCSE in English, you see.)

Fast forward some time and I was at home in London. Driving my car named Manucho, after the failed Man Utd player with whom I sympathised. No idea why. I do not support Man Utd or Angola. Whatever. However, after a year of no driving, I had become rusty. As rusty as my car. Yeah, check the year again.

Back? Good.

Driving with my Dad was an experience. Him telling me to speed up and then slow down reminded me of the time he tried to teach me how to put. The shots were always too hard or too soft. Whatever. Basic knowledge really. My handicap is still like 400. I could win the US Open with that handicap...if it's sunny, but not too sunny. I was sweating like a pig crossing the border illegally, that's my level of nervousness in that car. We were even pulled over by the police once, due to my car being registered in Aberdeen. There's a handy tip to get cheaper insurance.

My dad drives to work and used my car when I at university. Now that I'm back and remembered how to drive, he uses the family car and I drop my Mum off to work. A passing of the torch as she used to drop me and my brother off to school. I wanted to surprise her with a little treat, as I'm great like that, so I went and got her McDonalds, but the drink didn't come with a cupholder.

So this is how I nearly died. To avoid spilling the drink, I held it with one hand, using the other for the wheel. Genius. Unless you want to change gears that is. Or turn or signal or whatever. So, I drove like that around a couple of roundabouts before I realised that it was a pretty stupid thing to do.

Eventually, I arrived at my mother's place of work and gave her the food, which she enjoyed. She did notice the ONE DROP that I had spilled though.

Never be nice, that's the moral.